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Journey to the Centre of the Cat Gap

by Liam McKenna

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  • As a thank you for purchasing my album you will receive a limited edition bespoke original digital rendering of an imagined cat that may have existed during the cat gap circa 18-25 million years ago. It may not resemble any cat-like creature you have ever seen but it will include some details as to how it managed to remain hidden for 6-7 million years. Image attached features rough examples of what the cats may look like. One cat per album.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Journey to the Centre of the Cat Gap via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
Don't panic everybody, we've got this Everything is under control Don't listen to the alarmists amongst you We told you everything you need to know Don't panic everybody, keep hustling Keep working til you're down to your bones Don't question anything that don't seem right to you Because we told you everything you need to know Don't panic everybody, stay strong now Everyone just wants a good time Keep your pessimistic thoughts to yourself Your reality is killing our vibe Don't panic everybody, stay hungry The sun's shining so keep making hay If you think we need improvements Please fill out a form Because the system was designed this way Don't panic everybody, we hear you We've been coasting so long on this road Keep both hands on the wheel Because we cut the brakes Because we told you everything you need to know
2.
I've got two weeks off for selling my soul I spend fifty damn weeks of my life queueing at Heathrow I've got my freedom back My freedom to choose I got a free bottle of water when I bought the Telegraph news I've got two weeks off for selling my time I spend fifty weeks of the year standing in line I've got my freedom back my freedom to choose I've got a little plastic tray for my watch and my shoes I've got 100 ml of fresh mountain dew I've got 100ml of cheap shampoo I've got 24 hours til I wash and use the loo I've got 24 hours left in this queue Well freedom tastes nice I don't care what you say I'm gonna do what I want Coz I want my holiday I've got two weeks of for selling my life I spend fifty weeks of the year complaining about my wife I've got my freedom back my freedom to choose I clapped for the NHS now I'm in ICU Well freedom tastes nice I don't care what you say I'm gonna do what I want Coz I want my holiday I want to sit round a pool with English people I want to drink San Miguel with English people I want to eat roast dinners in Spain with English people I want to turn red like a lobster like English people I want to complain that you can't get the staff like English people I want to moan about wearing a mask like English people I want to get nostalgic for a war in the past like English people I want to lick the boots of the government like English people I want to drag everybody down with me like English people
3.
Fire in the woods and fire at sea Let’s pretend that it’s normal Sewage in my house up to my knees Let’s pretend that it's normal A tiger in my kitchen that wants to eat me Let's pretend that it's normal 6 million die of a preventable disease Let's pretend that it's normal No one can afford any food to eat Let pretend that it's normal We grow food to feed cows so we can eat beef Lets pretend that it's normal Jeff Bezos has more money than he’ll ever need Let’s pretend that it's normal Victorian levels of poverty Lets pretend that it's normal We can’t afford house you but we’re armed to the teeth Let's pretend that it's normal
4.
I admire your confidence Your certainty To live life without experiencing doubt A pro-life philosophy Like a baby bird Opening wide for a chewed up worm You gobbled up everything they fed you honey Some people never learn Oh, it's just a little cold there baby, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little bug going round, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little flu there sugar, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little flesh wound baby, it's alright, it's alright Nothing bad could ever happen to anybody Unless it happens to me I'm not saying I'm a Doubting Thomas I just need to see it to believe Bring out your dead Well if I don't see 'em They ain't dead to me Not until I see my cold body On the slab at the mortuary Oh, it's just a little cold there baby, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little bug going round, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little flu there sugar, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little flesh wound honey, it's alright, it's alright Oh it's just a little flu there baby it's alright, it's alright It's just a little bug going round it's alright, it's alright It's just a little airborn baby, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little flesh wound baby, it's alright, it's alright Oh it's just a little flu there baby it's alright, it's alright It's just a little bug going round it's alright, it's alright It's just a little airborn baby, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little 3 degrees warmer, it's alright, it's alright It's just a little mass extinction event, honey, it's alright, it's alright
5.
Susan's onions have a lot to say about everything but no one wants to know Susan's onions hold the secret to life but everybody wants miracle grow Susan's onions Magical thinking got a lot to answer for There's all hopium in their veins Susan's onions just need care and attention It ain't the gods that bring the rains. Susan's onions Susan's Onions are a county showstopper but they won't win first prize Susan's onions aren't in it for the competition they just wanna bring food for you guys Susan's onions
6.
Cat Gap 03:49
Hiding in the long grass Deep inside a cave In the bowels of a tree Where we think that we’re safe from the cat gap Yeah No record of you here And if the records don’t show Then you cannot exist Even Schrodinger knows there’s a cat gap Yeah Where did you go? Millions of years and no data to log Your pawprints hidden in the Siberian peat bog There’s a cat gap yeah Hiding in plain sight Disguised as a bear Putting us off with your scent everywhere There’s a cat gap Yeah Where did you go? Where did you go? There’s a cat gap
7.
The Voids 04:01
Don't get yourself trapped in the voids Avoid the voids, the voids, the voids Two to three seconds, you'll be covered in grain Two to three seconds, you'll be helpless again Two to three seconds you'll be covered in grain Health and safety's gone mad isn't it sad, it's sad it's sad it's sad it's sad No one used to care if you got drowned in grain No one used to turn it into a public campaign No one used to care if you got drowned in grain Sinking in grain, sinking in grain, sinking in grain Feeling no pain You can't say anything you like these days these days these day these days these days Now you just get interviewed on Radio 4 Now you just get a book deal and a UK tour Now you just get interviewed on Radio 4
8.
The rats are in the compost I don't know what to do The rats are in the compost DIgging for clues The rats are making tunnels to benefit you The rats are making tunnels to benefit you And if you follow them down Have a mooch around You'll see the truth The rats are in the compost I don't know what to do The rats are in the compost looking for food The rats are in the compost spreading good news The rats are in the compost spreading good news Bible in hand, they tell you their plan It's foolproof The rats are in the compost I don't know what to do The rats are in the compost digging for clues The rats are making tunnels to benefit you They've been studying aeration at St Andrews The rats are in my brain but I can't complain It's the truth
9.
Even the avid gardener has some oversight Even Monty Don sows courgettes ahead of time And no one in the British Isles has access to sunlight No one in the British Isles There's accidental rhubarb, baby growing in the ground Dunno how it got there I swear it planted itself somehow Even the most attentive gardener has some weeds The neatest gardens have the most vulnerable seeds And we can't all go round snipping slugs and snails in half And leaving trails of salt along the garden path There's accidental rhubarb, baby growing in the ground No idea how it got there I swear it planted itself somehow The rhubarb is growing it shows no sign of slowing there's no way of knowing when it will stop There's accidental rhubarb, baby growing in the ground dunno how it got there i swear it planted itself somehow
10.
Galileo 04:19
Galileo had some big ideas It put people's faith to the test Galileo said the Earth went round the sun So they put him under house arrest Giordano Bruno had some radical thoughts But it was too much to take Giordano Bruno said the Earth was round So they, they burnt him at the stake These days they might not burn you You'll just get ignored So if you feel like your shouting into the void You're not alone Welcome aboard! Minimise me minimise me minimise me minimise me Galileo was ahead of his time But he was done for heresy Galileo wasn't even the first of his kind to talk about heliocentricity Galileo had a telescope but it was too much too soon No one wanted to see for themselves the mountains of the moon These days they might not burn you you'll just get ignored so if you feel like you're shouting into the void you're not alone Welcome aboard! Minimise me... Galileo lived 400 years ago you'd think things might have changed but it Galileo was here right now we'd still be living in the dark age Minimise me
11.
Unliveable! 03:48
We're on course to make it unliveable Read the reports, the damage ain't minimal We're not gonna change And I hate to sound cynical Let's do something now before it gets biblical Drilling for oil, that's kinda untenable We need a new manager, call Terry Venables We should have consulted Bede the most Venerable Now we're on course to make it unliveable But I don't mind, as long as I get to work on time And I don't mind As long as Murdoch and his hacks keep telling me I'm right The rich are secure in their nuclear bunkers We're turning off lights and putting on jumpers You kids and your lattes, what have you been smoking? Your message has failed, Richard Madely has spoken When the curtain comes down and you rewatch the show And you see all the pensioners you left in the road you flattened them all with your SUV so you could pick up your kids at quarter past 3 You think to yourself as you float out to sea this sort of thing never happens to me We're on course to make it unliveable We did our best and now it's unliveable we passed the test and now it's unliveable Tsunamis and crop death and extinction of animals We're on course to make it unliveable...
12.
I'm not asking nicely I'm not talking anymore I've exhausted all my thoughts and prayers I raised a flag in your support I'm a pacifist at heart A neoliberal to the core and now I've had a glug of Thatchers and I'm ready for some war I've had a glug of thatchers and I'm ready for some war Of all the types of mongering I thought I'd get into I never thought I'd be a mongerer for you Bomb bomb bomb everyone! And put me on the frontline! I'd accept a billion die just so I can be on the winning side so bomb, bomb, bomb everyone I've never so much as held a gun but I want every child to have access to one I want every child armed and ready I used to cry myself to sleep When I saw a tweet by the president But now I'm loading up my cannon with confetti I'm loading up my cannon with confetti. Of all the types of mongering I thought I'd get into I never thought I'd be a mongerer for you Bomb bomb bomb everyone! And put me on the frontline! I'd accept 3 million die just so I can be on the winning side so bomb, bomb, bomb everyone I'm marching on the government Throw democracy in the bin Peace has had its chance now I've bought shares in Lockheed Martin I'm anti-imperialist so long as it suits me And now I'm asking to crowdfund World War Three I'm asking to crowdfund world war three Of all the types of mongering I thought I'd get into I never thought I'd be a mongerer for you Bomb bomb bomb everyone! And put me on the frontline! I'd accept 9 billion die just so I can be on the winning side so bomb, bomb, bomb everyone
13.
Wall Of Ham 03:52
There's a wall of ham floating in the middle of the North Atlantic

about

"The cat gap is a period in the fossil record of approximately 25 to 18.5 million years ago in which there are few fossils of cats or cat-like species found in North America" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_gap

credits

released May 27, 2022

Album written, recorded and produced by Liam McKenna.
Massive thanks to David Morris for lending his guitar
Thanks to the Twitter account @depthsofwiki for inspiring the title track "Cat Gap" and "The Voids"
Thanks to Polly Preston for being Polly Preston
Thanks to Boris the dog for being Boris the dog

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Liam McKenna Wales, UK

Writer/performer/musician. Co-founder of the mighty and unstoppable force of Fire Donkey

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